The Giant Zombie Cockroach
It was quiet now as dusk settled over the tiny house in Southern Alabama…
Alex, a very attractive twenty something sweetheart, had just put her young son Jack to bed. Although Jack was indeed learning to read, he still needed momma to get him through whole stories after all, he was not yet four years old. After Alex was sure Jack was down for the count she started checking all the windows making sure they were locked as well as both doors, front and back. This was a small house, remember?
“What was that?”, she thought.
Creak, urrk, grrr.
Recently Alex had a run in with a cockroach experiment that went wrong. You see, Alex was a P.H.D. graduate student and teaching 
assistant at Auburn University were she was reputed to be the next “Einstein” in the Zoology department. Apparently, she was extraordinarily talented and often brilliant, although somewhat reckless in her attempts to literally make her experimentation with “wildlife come alive”, as she had been known to say.
Tsk, tsk.
Her latest round of “inhuman engineering” proved to be her undoing at the university, as her failed experimentation in the field of cockroach genome reorganization turned against her.
Capturing and raising a giant cockroach, Ms. Renoir proceeded to inject it with humanoid embryonic tissue, causing it to take on some quasi human-like features while continuing to grow to enormous size.
The core problem inherent with this practical application of the staid scientific method was this – Professor. lo
st all control over her subject matter, one giant, supersized Amazonian Cockroach and it was now loose in the fair town of Auburn, Alabama!
Residents of this small, sleepy city were up in arms about this turn of events.
And of course, university officials denied any culpability in the matter. University President, Leon Von Shtuck, issued a statement denying any “participation by the school Dons in the matter and although greatly saddened by the rogue behaviour of Ms. Alex Renroir, the school could not be held liable for her actions.” Reporters raised caine, (and other forms of sugar, just joking), while clamoring about for more information as to the wherabouts of Ms. Renoir and more importantly, the last known location of what police were now calling, Rachel The Giant Zombie Cockroach!
An all points bulletin has been made for the apprehension of “Rachel” and an emergency response team is preceding the hopeful arrival of National Guard troops. Police Chief Ernst Rockenhaur, has issued orders for Ms. Renoir to be taken into protective custody for immediate questioning. When asked by reporters if Professor Renoir was being arrested he stated, “no, not at this time as there has been no establishment of any legal wrong doing. The fact that she has placed the City of Auburn and possibly the entire country at risk of extreme harm well, that’s quite another matter, isn’t it?”
While authorities continue the search for Professor Renoir and Rachel The Giant Zombie Cockroach, this station remains committed to providing twenty-four hour, round the clock news coverage of this developing crisis!
When Synapses Go Bad 