Lefty Liebowitz

Lefty Liebowitz was an unsteady kind of character, and some character he was too…

He was the kind of guy who as a kid would steal the chewing gum right out of your mouth, know what I mean?

You would think that with a name like lefty it would naturally have something to do with him being left handed, liimageke a pitcher for instance or a prize fighter. But no, that wasn’t the reason for the name at all because Lefty was a righty. That’s right he was right handed and right footed too probably.

No, Lefty was called Lefty because he had two left ears. You know, like that Fluke fish with both eyes on one side off it’s head. Same thing only its ears.  Yeah, yeah, you heard me right, no left, I mean yes, Lefty had two left ears.



“Two ears you say”, that’s right, not one but two left ears!



Now Lefty himself did not think this was unusual, he thought it made him unique, don’t you know. Why no one in his family had two left ears, nor any of his school mates when he was in grade school. There wasn’t any other schooling to consider because Lefty saw fit to quit school when he was only in the sixth grade. Of course by that time he was already well into his teenage years so maybe that was a proper decision after all.

Anyway, Lefty knew no one else nor did he know of anyone else who had two left ears like he did. So naturally he didn’t feel so much that he was different but unique, one might say. One might say it and he did say it and if you knew what was good for you when you were in his presence you would say it too!

One day when Lefty was having leftovers at his grandma Tilda’s house, he started choking on a big old fishbone that somehow got stuck in the middle of his throat.funny-grandma-smokes-a-cigarette

Poor Lefty started to wheeze and sputter until old Tilda whacked him hard on the back of his head in an effort to dislodge the meatless bone of aquatic nature.


Out popped that big old fish bone and you know what else happened? One of his left ears popped completely around to the right side of his head and attached itself with a Bang, to the side of his head just like it had been there his whole life, all kinds of natural and everything.

happy-fish-bone-mdWell, grandma Tilda had never witnessed anything like this before and didn’t know what to say. Lefty himself was in a total state of sensory deprivation you might say, because now this changed not only how he heard, what he heard and how loud whatever it was that he had heard was! In addition to this, Lefty’s equilibrium was thrown off because as we all know and Lefty suspected, one’s sense of balance is largely determined by the structure of the inner ear and guess what folks, that had taken a drastic turn for the better.

That’s right, by having one of the two left ears on his head turn to the right side of his head, Lefty was now in a symbiotic state, at least he thought so. A state of normalcy for the first time in his life folks. Lefty was ecstatic, exuberant, excited and his existence took on new meaning.

Lefty started jumping up and down, grandma Tilda was shaking like a butterfly on a new leaf and everyone for miles around soon heard of the turn of events transpiring and conspiring to exact justice in the life of one Lefty Liebowitz.flanders-z

And folks, to this very day, if you were to turn left then right on the highway of life, to visit this humble if not downright somnambulistic town of Lefty’s upbringing, you will see a statue in the town square, which is actually round because there just wasn’t enough room to make it square, anyway, there in the center of the round town square is a remembrance in statue form of Lefty Liebowitz that is so life like, so realistic, so, so,… compelling in it’s purpose and vision for life that you might just want to break down and cry. No cause for shame or embarrassment as many who were transfixed on this very spot before you had done the same.

Good luck my friends, and may God bless you and keep you…

Keep you far, far away from what’s left of Lefty Liebowitz!

~ by Vinnie on June 8, 2015.

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