Zombies: Half A Body Is Better Than Nobody

Hey, now wait just one minute Jake…

You were telling me that you had a body that was victimized, homocized, everything except homogenised, so what’s with this here half a body?


Well you see Johnson, this here looks like half a something to you but it’s still a whole something to me, because someone or someones done did imagesomething out of the ordinary to my half a something. You dig?

What in the world are you talking about Jake?

This is a funeral home, I repeat, this here is a funeral home, a mortuary where we embalm, cut hair, shave faces and legs when necessary, we apply makeup and even do facials but we do not cut up bodies, remove organs and such, no no, we are Morticians my friend, not pathological Pathologists.

Do you dig?




Yeah man I dig.



But you gotta help me out here Johnson. Look, we been knowing each other for a longtime now right?

Of course Jake, ever since grade school.

That’s right, so you see this is a small favor between old time friends, buddies really, maybe even confidants, actually. So here’s the deal.

I needs you to look at this here half a body and see what you can do to make it one body, a small body perhaps but still just one.

Now Jake why, just why would you want me to do that?

ZOMBIES Johnson, it’s that simple, Zombies.

You mean to tell me…

That’s right, they’re here in town in our own little metropolis. They have left the big cities like New York,Philadelphia and Atlanta, and are moving on down through little towns like Americus and Buena Vista Georgia, yes sir.


This here half a body is living, or I should say the un-living proof of just that. What you are about to see is what’s left of my dear Uncle Cornelius, raised me like his own he did, one of the first victims to be victimized by a marauding band of victim seekers, the un-dead dead and I can’t deal with this on my own. Now come on Johnson, you have just got to help me.





Alright alright Jake, since you put it that way I’ll see what I can do, but don’t be expecting no miracles, mind you. I’m a mortician after all not a magician, see, and I ain’t never dealt with no Zombies before.

Tick tock, tick tock…


And so goes the telling of the tale which was told after the first Northern Zombies entered the Deep South. And this story is steadfastly told to this day by tale tellers young and old, to untold innocents who need to be told what those who have gone before them were telling others who also needed to be told and still to those who remained alive as yet untouched by the un-dead dead, yet in such dire need of assistance if they desired to remain so.


Later that evening there was a small gathering for dearly departed Uncle Cornelius, a very small gathering for it was quite late and very, very dark.


~ by Vinnie on April 14, 2015.

One Response to “Zombies: Half A Body Is Better Than Nobody”

  1. Love it! Zombies R Us.

    Liked by 1 person

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