Sidney
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Catch Me If You Can
S: Yoo Hoo ….. anybody home. Yoo Hoo …. Honymooners? …
Yoo Hoo Hoo.
Could it be nobody’s home?
Oh … they left a note for me …
"DANNY DARLING. WILL BE BACK SOON. BE BACK SOON.
BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU."
A brother-in-law on a honeymoon?
(Moosehead)
Oh, how do you do? Say, I’m glad I ran into you.
Who caters your conventions?
Maybe you’ll keep in mind Sidney’s Sandwich Shoppe?
Give a smell. That, my dear moose, is Sidney’s Special, with Sidney’s secret dressing.
Would you believe this is a brunch for two?
You’re wondering how does Sidney do it?
Well, you look like a moose that doesn’t go around blabbing.
It’s low overhead, high turnover, smart merchandising,
and … a little bookmaking on the side.
Excuse me.
C:
SIDNEY: Good morning. I’m Sidney.
C:
SIDNEY: What are you doing mister, morning calistenics?
C
S: Don’t get excited, she’ll be back soon.
C
S: Delivering.
S: What does it look like I’m delivering, The Gettysburg Address?
I’m bringing a brunch, personally — myself.
C
S; Again with the profanity. That’s not nice. Especially from a newlywed.
C
S; How do you NOT know that I know?
O.K. Your wife told me your’e newlyweds.
C
S; You had a fight already? Don’t worry. She’s not mad at you. …. She left you a note.
Danny Darling:
C;
S; Huh?
C:
S: Listen Mister. You don’t hafta be so rude.
World famous celebreties have eaten by me … and not one ever opened a mouth like that to me.
You should also know that I have three delivery boys …
and me — the boss — is delivering in person.
Why, Because your wife is such a sweetheart.
C:
S: What then? MY wife?
C:
S: Who says I wanted you?
C:
S: Absolutely. My own secret blend.
C:
S: Are you crazy? That coffee’s too good to waste on plants.
C:
S: Listen, mister, when L.B.J. ate by me, he even took sndwiches home for Lady Bird.
If it’s good enough for a president, it’s good enough for you.
Come on, have a cup of coffee.
C:
S: A pleasure. Nobody turns down Sidneys coffee.
Why didn’t you say you don’t like to drink alone?
Marvelous! Sidney, compared to you, Juan Valdez is a bum.
What are we playing — musical glasses?
C:
S: Mashugeh is a better word.
C:
S: Your wife asked me for the recipe.
C:
S: How could you say such a thing? She’s crazy about you, that women.
You don’t know how lucky you are. Such a classy lady.
Your wife is no Miss Clairol from a bottle.
How often nowadays do you see a REAL redhead?
C:
S: I said something wrong?
C:
S: You mean she IS Miss Clairol from a bottle?
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
C:
S: So who’s giving you an arguement!!!
C:
S: What else have I been saying?
C:
S: Oh boy! These newlyweds are some emotional bunch!
C:
S: When?
C:
S: When she ordered the brunch, of course — about five days ago.
C:
S: What a honeymoon he must be having …
C:
S: I remembered her from the first night.
Fifty-seven dollars and twelve cents.
C:
S: But did I stay in the store? You forgot already who shlepped the three cartons to the trunk?
Listen, mister, a beautiful Red Head in the front seat, I notice! I’m not dead yet.
C:
S: You, too.
Well, you got a call to make … I got a living to make … so I’ll go.
C:
S: You know Levine? He eats lunch by me every day.
C:
S: Your’e inviting Levine too? Wonderful.
His wife is away. He’s probably lonely.
Okay, I’ll stay.
C:
S: Who’s back?
C:
S: What priest? What’s going on? Is there another women?
C:
S: So soon after the wedding another women?
A honeymoon nowadays can’t last over Labor Day. Who’s this — your mistress?
C:
S: So what is she doing here? She don’t know on a honeymoon three’s a crowd?
C:
S: So who’s gonna tell her now — your wife?
C:
S: Levine’s wife is in Rockaway — your wife is in Rockaway — What’s in Rockaway — ?
C:
S: I’m a clam.
E.
C:
E.
S: You didn’t see me there … because I was here.
C:
E:
S: Oh, boy!
E:
S: You mean five with …
E:
S: Uh. With my friend Bullwinke. He’s an old customer.
E:
S: Make? Who makes coffee when there’s Sidney’s Secret Blend all around the room?
E:
S: Listen to her fancy-schmantzy with her "fresh" coffee.
C:
S: Why are you waiting Corban? Tell her already.
C:
S: You’re lucky! Your wife is a lady. This one with the "fresh coffee",
I promise you–she’ll make trouble for you.
Your wife isn’t such a snob–she’s friendly and polite.
… and that Red Hair, that gorgeous Red Hair.
E:
S: Who’s who?
E:
S: Lady?–Uh–I–was describing my wife.
E:
S: Like? Uh– she’s –uh–tall–and skinny–with Red Hair. A natural Red Head.
E:
S: Uh … I can’t. She’s away for the weekend … uh … she went to visit her sister … in Rockaway.
E:
C:
E:
C:
E:
C:
S: Who could we be expecting, Mis—uh …
E:
C:
E:
C:
S: Sure he told me.
E:
S: You thinks that’s a surprise? Wait’ll you hear what else he has to tell you.
E:
S: Well? Go ahead, Mr. Corban. Maybe you want I should leave?
C:
S: I don’t understand …
E:
C:
S: Well … you did act funny when I came in.
He poured coffee into the plant … switched glasses… That’s too bad.
He seemed fine the first time I met him.
E:
S: Two weeks ago. When he came. He stopped by my store.
E:
S: I don’t recall the pleasure.
C:
E:
S: Lady, the women I saw that night was a pure blonde.
E:
S: You also heightened your height?
E:
F:
E:
F:
S: Me too.
C:
S: That’s life.
E:
F:
E:
C:
S: What’ll be all over? What’s going on?
C:
E:
S: What is this — a love triangle?
F:
E:
S: Levine! Levine! — they want to shoot Sidney !!!
Hey — I’m not shot !
E:
L:
CURTAIN.
When Synapses Go Bad 