The Adventures Of Stinky Dolittle

Now about this time, along came Stinky with only one thought in mind – hamburgers, more hamburgers.

“Hamburger today, hamburger today, give me one I’ll be on my way.”

One would think this was jolly old Saint Nick singing about hamburgers as Mr. Dolittle was a small, oval individual, with puckering lips, a small forehead and a brief tuft of hair that seemed to gently fold over hisimage infinitely smallish ears. Yes, Mr. Dolittle was quite the character indeed. Why his hamburger obsession was known far and wide, wide and far. Even wider than some oceans it seemed and farther than the most distant mountain one’s eye could see!

With a twinkle in his eye and a rattle of pocket change in his trousers, Stinky Dolittle scurried along Midvale Ave. seeking in earnest the imminent acquisition of his next chosen meal.

Wap! Wap! Wap!

“What in the world?… I say my good man, just what do you think you are doing with those particular hamburger patties there? If you intend to call your mishandling of those delicious looking miniature puddles of cows cooking, why I would say you are greatly mistaken, yes sir, greatly.”

“Nyah, listen my friend, can I call you my friend, cause you sure don’t want to be my enemy let me tell you. Anyway, listen here. I just took over this dog doo infested roach wagon from one Silus Lagree as a means for him to settle up his ever deepening, cavernous debt to me and yes even to society even.

imageAnd Mr. Lagree has indeed agreed to teach me the fine heart of handling these little dog doo like piles of succulent, sweetly satisfying patties of choosy woosey bottom sirloin, to eventually and yet unequivocably, shape the future destiny of hundreds of these little fellows, that you my good man may then purchase in ever increasingly larger quantities to satisfy the tempestuous turpitude of your fire breathing appetite. Now, do I make myself clear Mr., what did you say your name was?”

“Well sir, frankly I didn’t say, but if I may say so, why my name is Stinky, Stinky Dolittle, if I may say.”

“Well, well, well, you don’t say.”

“Well I…”

“Tut tut now, don’t even try to say it as I got it, okay? Okay?! Now Stinky, may I call you Stinky? Good. Now Stinky, I know that you are a hamburger aficionado, as some would say. Don’t say it! And you have always frequented this joint on a most regular basis before said establishment was placed under the most able and capable jurisdiction of my own little bitty hands so, what I want to know is how often will you be coming in here, how many burgers will you eat and… most importantly, how do you intend to pay for these lovely little morsels. You see, it is not a part of my normally salubrious nature to impart credit to or upon, fire breathing dead beats who won’t or cannot pay their bills, know what I mean Stinky?”

“Well now Mr. Hamburger man, I fully intend to eat what I can and pay for what I eat, by gosh. Let it never be said that I, Stinky Wadsorth Dolittle, does not pay his bills, no sir!  With that in mind, I see that your cooking is coming to a head, not a human head or any other kind of head.image

I mean that, your efforts are culminating in a fine display of choice hamburgers that are each requiring the individual attention of one such as me so… I will gladly be the first to test and taste these tiny tidbits and give you my most sincere thoughts, opinions and most exuberant verbal testimony. What do you say?”

“Alright then Stinky, go right ahead – enjoy!”

” Excellent, excellant Mr. Hamburger man.


Um, would you mind, uh… Do you mind if I pay you on Tuesday for what I have eaten today?”




~ by Vinnie on June 23, 2015.

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